Sunday, February 08, 2009

kallang roar.!





that says it all.. the movie is out on dVd noww. u have got to get ur hads on them, realli. okk maybe im exageratin a lil.. but yeah.. go watch 'em guys whoever who've yet to catch 'em..

tat's all folks,

UNTUK BANGSA DAN NEGARA.!!
MAJULAH.!!

-E1RWAN. =]



Wednesday, January 28, 2009
posted.

guess what. in a blink of an eye. its already 'P-O-P-OH.!!' could you believe that.?
i've served my NS fo 3 whole friggin months already.
and so i got posted to my top prioritised choice of vocation which is..
NPCO.! - national police cadet officer.
but unluckily, not J-division = juliet;jurong like i wanted to.
instead, Delta division, clementi. its okk, it is still nearby..
thank godd, alhamdulillah. =]

as for my pass out parade, it was okk.. great.. short it seemed but overall good. =]
3 important saints in my life turn up for my POP.!
couldn't ask for more. =]
okk, this sound realli vain..
but i think i look good in policeman uniform, no kidd.!

as for my life right noww. still blissed as ever..
of course there are the ups and downs.. nevertheless.. godd has been realli nice to me as usual.
i'm happi. =]
and dya noe tat i'm currently havin my 1 week of break before returnin back to my monotonous and routined life in camp again tis friday.?
yeahh yeahh, enjoy every moment of it.. wakin up realli late.. late night lights outt.. lappy as source of entertainment.. soccer games on tv.. and my comfy comfy bed and pillows.!
home sweet home i tell ya.!

okk to all those celebratin lunar new year,
here e1rwan wishes u guys n girls out there to haf a prosperous new year ahead ya.!
kick out the rats and welcome the ox ya.!
oh and did i mention, my mom's 50th bday is on the 29th tis month.
urgh. ive yet to have any idea what to do for her..
clues anyone.?

i'm missin my heart's audition again come tis friday..
tskk, hais.
wish i could be there, realli.
here's a simple lil prayer for her.
may everythin goes well and be AWESOME.
insya'Allah. =]
hope she'll relax and just have fun.

oh yeah.
i think i realli wanna complete watchin stuff tis year.
here's my list:-
1] smallville season 1-7
2] heroes season 1-3
3] ghost whisperer season 1-3
4] my wife and kids season 1-4
5] 8 simple rule to dating my teenage daughter
6] One piece.

anione willing to buy or rent me their completed collection of season to any of the shows above.? please, hee.



Saturday, January 17, 2009
blackhole,

selfish, greed.
heartless, lost.
undeservin'.

still unable to find the right words to depict. what is it.

thot i had it all.. cos i want it all..
it seems hardd, so hardd..
which is right, which is wrong..

am i realli pulled by all corners..
or am i just jumpin' to them.
i started to thinkk..

am i able to.
still hangin' on tight, or
are they slippin out of my grip.?

godd, i realli do have time management issues. i priorities all the wrong things.. and NS is so not helpin'. tskk.

friends;
your heart, your better half;
your family, your life.

i miss 'em all. can i have 'em all.
please.

i miss gettin' dirty on e pitch with team westridge.
i miss flaring up the street courts with team bK.
i miss hangin out wit them.
never got sick of it, but i could rarely get a chance now.
dyin, passion.?

i could have gone to work every single time wit her.
i could have return together wit her too.
short visits to her place often.
a daily call, a gazillion text msgs.
saturdays reserved.
my better half, my heart.
clingy am i.?

family; just us 4.
the ones i should see and feel most.
could barely get a day together.
busy with our own lives.?
a mom who cooks her son the awesomest delicacies whenever..
he books out, whenever at home, before bookin in.
a dad who slogs out day in day out just to make sure the family runs well..
he's takin' day off just to see his son pass out on his parade..
my sis showering the family with everlastin wackiness..
i miss joshin around wit her, my favourite teacher..
i miss home, i miss the quality time.
i miss my family, godd.

NS is so not helpin, becoming a man.? rightt, crap.

my friends,
my heart,
my family.

one weekend.
can i have them all.?
nott.

i'm sorri to miss out on u guys, my bro.
i'm sorri to not have been by your side, my heart.
sorri to have neglected you alot, my family.

i wish i can choose to be with all of them at one time. the only free time i've got.

i'm losin out.. who do i please..

e1rwan: undeservin, they all deserve better.



Friday, January 09, 2009
waheyy.

yeahh.. your eyes arent playin tricks on u.. yes i am updatin.. after a realli realli realli long hiatus uh.. but yeah.. cant promise anithin.. just felt like doin so.. so yeah dun expect religious updates from me.. cos its realli realli hard for me.. i'll explain why later.. so yeah a brand new year.. a brand new experience awaits for me.. here i comee...

flashback 2008:
-arwah malix.
-national service, police.
-polytechnic diploma graduation
-my heart fit.

that would be a real highlight of last year for me.. wont explain in details.. will be passin out soon. thank godd.. 22nd jan 2009 babyy.. oh yeah.. i opted for npco as my vocation.. national police cadet officer.. ur frenly neighbourhood mata mata. hee.. aprt of me realli wants to experience the everyday challenges of crimes n stuff.. but i would have to say.. im more into it cos of the free driving license that i can acquire.. =x hope i realli can get it. wish me luck buttheads.

and yeah ns police trainin is not tat bad, realli. =] thank god i got enlisted for police. =P

bout my heart fit, theres only one thing i could say.. it was worth the wait and yeahh.. the word to describe right now would be 'blissful'.! =]

okk, so i guess u noe why i cant be updatin daily.. maybe every book out.? i'll try.. as for now.. this bloody mangkok of urs would like to keluar baris and get some rest.. realli tired..

e1rwan: start to a brand new year.. slowly lettin u buttheads into what uve been missin so far..



Friday, August 29, 2008
th3atr3 0f dr3am5 presents,

i would like to spread love around by advertising this. a band called 'mercy may cry' with rockers like powerhouse vocalist named fitancredi, a craziee guitarist 'aliff' n a crazee bassist 'muddy' in that band will be having a gig on the 30th august 2008, saturday. starts at 3pm . with them as the opening act.!! don't miss it, or live to regret it.

hit songs like their new original 'what you did' and a cover of paramore 'let the flames begin' will be performed..

venue: arthouse, playden. 7 bux per tix onli.

ps: damn is that of a good deal or what. u watch a freakin stinkin muvee for a friggin expensive rip-off price of 10 bux per tix on weekends just 2hr long duration maxed but not want to catch a rock-like-headbangin gig for just 7 bux that last for more than 4 hours at least with not only just a band but many bands performing, than you're a sucker.

i would also like to spread the peace around as well.. replugios will be havin an acoustic performin night at kallang rooftop on the 30th august 2008, saturday. starts at 7pm. tix sold at 14 bux per head. line ups ranging from fit, wan n zaty.. how could u missed out on these idols. than its your lost, too badd.

the idols would be bringing songs from paramore 'adore', bon jovi 'living on a prayer', natasha beddingfield 'soulmate' and many many more..

i simply cannot wait for tomorrow. a day dedicated for music. a mixed of singfest and baybeats. tomorrow, i shall call it a singbeats/bayfest day. okk lame, finee.

---

dear blackhole,

i, e1rwan, is officially still lookin for khakis to catch 4bia on cinema screen. anyone up for a good scare.? it cannot be that bad. hit me up please. thanks.

---

e1rwan: saving up for singbeats tix
e1rwan: breakin piggy bank for bayfest tix
e1rwan: findin khakis..



Thursday, August 28, 2008
dear blackhole,

im friggin' broke right noww, realli. it sucks. i totalli cannot wait for the next pay day. i need a breather. sigh.

--

time still tickin,
days are drawing nearer..
it seems so slow,
but it felt so fast..

--

here's a fun fact. dya know tat i had my very own 'big walk' the other night. i kinda like missed the last train to boon lay. so i was caught up at jurong east station. the train service ended there. it was 1:10am already, if im not mistaken. i couldnt take a cab since i was already broke. yep, you guessed it right. i walked all the way home. jurong east - chinese garden - lakeside - boonlay - my house.

i walked along all the mrt tracklines. meaning i would have to walk just beside the jurong lake from chinese garden till lakeside. thot it would be nice and beautiful under e shimmerin light from the moon. boi, was i god damn wrong.! it was creepy, somehow. tskk.

thank god, it wasn't rainin or i'd be drenched. eerie feelin it was, walkin the long unearthed roads *haha, e1rwan exagerates again*. the orange night lamps over-towering above me. it did get to me after i had walk some distance.. it was kinda makin' me feel a lil dizzy.. not kiddin. i feel as though im goina 'pitam' anitime.. it was a breezy cool night but still i was all wet in my own perspiration. tskk.

e1rwan: no onee, alonee.

--

my apology to all those who have tried to contact me on my mobile phone. my 2-year-old sony ericsson w810i has just died out on me. =( so much memories. i'll get a brand new hp soon. will keep u peeps noted. but a sweetheart girl was willing to lend her old phone to me for the time being till i get myself a new one. so yeah. sorry for the hassle. thanks, realli appreciate it.

----------------

th3atr3 0f dr3am5 presents,

'kallang roar' e movie was good, realli. The story was very 'smangat-kind' and patriotic. BUT, the soccer scenes was simply embarrassing and disappointin. =( sigh. overall, its not a MUST to watch but its NICE to watch. i'll leave it to u peeps. centralized trainin, haha. cool or whatt. 'UNTOK BANGSA DAN NEGARA, MAJULAH.!'. HAHA.

you peeps might just wanna stay a lil longer after the movie for e credits. watch out for the real names of the penang players. all are so unique and rare, just somethin random stuff for u guys to check out. okk, lame but realli. =P

on a serious note. they should get actors who realli knows how to play soccer to shoot the soccer scenes. they make local soccer look realli badd. no jokee. embarassing.

---

e1rwan: kallang ROARS.!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
theatre of dreams presents.

i guess it realli depends on how the reader realli inteprete n reads it. an angsty post could turn out to be hilarious. tskk. people, do try readin out bloggers' entries aloud. hmm. somehow it's much more fun tat way, realli.

and it seems like almost everyone has discovered tis lil quiet space of mine. i guess its no secret animore, not tat it was to begin with. its just hidden. tats all. =] so to all the freshies to tis page, people like zul, asrenee and fithriyah. e founder of this space would like to humbly and warmly welcome you peeps. feel free to roam into e1rwan's world, where crap and nonsense had played a huge role in his life. heh. enjoyy.

poeple, you have got to check out tis local film. i know i would. =X though its no 'shaolin soccer' kinda blockbuster.. err still its.. err.. just go catch it lurh. dun ask why. come on. support local films will ya! passion for football.! relive it.! =] ole, kallang roar.!

i just cant waitt, even if i hafta watch it alone. for your info, it'll only be shown by cathay and lido. Golden Village, you suckk.~ except for your hotdogs.

before i end, i'll leave you guys with something u can chuckle about. can you guys actually picture me to shape young minds, guidin them thru their education and make them soar wit flyin colours for their examinations. okk, that sound a lil exagerated. picture this, e1rwan teaching/tutoring. haha. yeah yeah.. laugh ur ass off. haha. yeah, weird.~

e1rwan: i think i've settled wit somethin, hmm..

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
theatre of dreams present,

i'm recoverin.. i thinkk.. seriousli, i've been down with cough, sore throat, flu, fever and headache. i'm not exageratin. it's like a sudden ambush of virus all at one time. i shivered, had cold sweats, was runnin a temperature n yeah i had difficulty swallowing my own saliva and not forgettin i friggin lost my voice. i sounded like a hard gAy, realli.!

i'm gettin better, i thinkk.. currently havin cough, a slight sore throat, n blocked nose oni. =]

--

dear blackhole,

okk, i'm soo bumped out right noww. came across somethin. well, i've tried n i've helped.. but not much i knoww.. even if i were to make myself free.. i can freakin choose not to help out at all since im like freakin sickk alreadi. godd, i was workin till like wee hrs till 3am in e mornin, got home and could onli like get my eyes shut at 4 plus nearin 5am afta i've washed up n stuff. i woke up a few hrs later at 9am i think, to freakin help out though i cough like hell, my throat was like killin me n i had to strain myself just to freakin talk.

its not like i'm out there watchin e fireworks by e bay enjoyin myself. i did not even stay home to rest and recover nor did i watch e freakin boring ndp celebration on tV. i was freakin workin, stinkin myself up wit e popcorn stench, servin all those no lifers customers who just coudnt watch rented movies at home but simply chooses to come to e cinema to catch a freakin expensive new shows.

still, thats not an excuse. damn. i know im partly at fault. maybe fully at fault. i wasnt inform what time to come, how it'll go and stuff.. e least i could do was to ask maybe.. yeah.. i did apologised. cant change a freakin damn thing now. so yeah. sincereli i'd like to apologise. its his brother's big day. his family. who wouldnt be pissed off. i would to, puttin myself in his shoes. i'm sorri bro, realli.
--

from e1rwan to all,

to any avid readers out there who actually bothers to read my blog space. yeah, all my plans had to be put on hold for now. cos im freakin sick, freakin lazy to realli take care of myself to get better. haha. i'll update again soon. rightt.


--
e1rwan: givin away, givin up.. hmm.



Thursday, August 07, 2008
theatre of dreams presents,

its official.

startin from this moment on. i'm goina plan and execute. not to waste. or at least try not to waste my life away. till e time comes, where they say its another life turnin experience.

here's for a start:
-update my blogg space. (e past bout me)
-update my frensta profile. (cobwebs covered)
-update my itouch. - (so in need of new music)
-start workin out againn. (im freakin unfit, im a joke)

not much of an important plan. but at least i got somethin to do now.

my journey:
i was a toddler - kindergarten.
i was a kidd - primary school.
i was a teenager - high school.
i am a young adult - polytechnic.
i am a young man.? - National Service. (NS)

it'll be 61 days from now. 2 months from now. i'm goin in leavin everythin behind.

not forgettin. i'll update what u guys have been missin for almost a month in my life next entry.

e1rwan: goin thru another phase in his life.



Monday, June 23, 2008
i thot this song is nicee.. thot i'd share.. here goess..

secondahand serenade - fall for you
--
The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It couldn’t be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind

I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

Oh, But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep

And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find..

--

just wanna post a lil shout out to all e june babies similar to me. happy birthday.

1st june - jianqiang aka 'TOKOK' heh.
4th june - kevin aka rio heh.
5th june - qistina aka cathay's po.
6th june - dearest GRANDMA. =]
8th june - kimberly.
9th june - dearest daeng nur fithriyah. =]
13th june - e1rwan & dexta. =]
16th june - dearest mak long. me aunt.
19th june - nabilah. me cuz.
22nd june - natasha.
27th june - joseph. hyfc bro.
29th june - maisara aka sarah. my cuz.

lotsa them uh.? pheww..
...

i know my post on my graduation and birthday is long overdue. i just don't know how to blog about it. kinda lazy to upload photos and stuff.. so here goess..

on both events and days i've only got few words to describe how it wass..
special & memorable.
i couldnt have asked for more.. realli.. i'm realli happi.

i've gotten myself lotsa chocolates and cards this year.. =]
not forgettin some cash from my family members. =]
and once again yet another year i got another gift. a brand new wallet. =]
daeng nur fithriyah. thank you so much. =]

i seriouli would like to mention all e names but better not as i mite missed out some..
To those who have remembered, wished, celebrate and surprised me.. from e bottom of my heart i thank you, realli appreciate it. =] you guys rockk.

--

e1rwan: fall for you, a girl like you is impossible to findd..
e1rwan: i'm rooting for germany to win euro 2008.



Wednesday, June 18, 2008
why was he chosen.?
and not me.
why am i always the one who get snubbed away.?
and not himm.

why do i always get pushed away.?
and not him.
why does he always get to be with her.?
and not me.

why can he make her his girl.?
and i cant.
why do i have to know her later.?
and not him.

why me, and not him.?
why him, and not me.?
whyy..
...

sometimes i just wonder, it got me thinkin..
what more can i asked for, i shouldnt ask for anythin more..
i must be happy, i need to be satisfied..

...

if you truly cherish and love that person..
just be youself, and not by forcing, controllin nor hiding your inner self..
you wouldnt mind bein patient, and continue to do what you want and need for that someone..
if you deserve that special someone, they'll eventually be yours..
if not, it is just not meant to be..
only time will tell, only time can tell..

...

that's life, take it as it is..
experience and embrace the journey..

...

e1rwan: missin e old e1rwan, where no one knows..



Monday, June 16, 2008
yeahh, people.. i'm pretty much alive and kickinn..
not dead just yet..

i've got so much to say..
has been so much down parts in previous posts..
tskk..

intended to share bout my graduation day and my birthday.
but kinda feel sleepy suddenly noww.. wit lotsa photos to show too..
will update later this week when im more free and feel like typin it all outt..
so i guess e next entry would make my blog e 'theatre of dreams' instead of the black hole.. =]

-----
somethin random..


feelings. - e1rwan

one day i can feel so low,
low enough as though i'm dead..
dark and un-moving, lifeless it seems..
don't know how, don't know why,
i started to breathe again..
i see light, i felt my soul again..

tears at first, so much..
smile in e end, so wide..

its cos of her..
she's the angel, who sprung nature in me.
thank you.
-

power. -e1rwan

one day, your heart beats so strong,
another day, it might skip a beat..
one day, like a green leaf debut itself into e world..
another day, it withers away fallin to the ground..

today, you lay still..
so weak, so sick..
tomorrow, you get up..
so alive, so active..

painful to see, a sight that she breathed so hard..
eased to see, a sight from 4th storey high smilin back at me
worried i was, couldnt bear to see her like tat..
glad i was, to see her back on her feet..

--

repunzel,
take care of you i will,
till you get well..
well, that is all i want.
so, get better soon. =]

-----------

e1rwan: so much to share next time..
e1rwan: sleepy alreadyy..
e1rwan: so in need of updatin his space and frensta.
e1rwan: wishes repunzel well.. take care. =]
e1rwan: no words to could weigh how much she meant to him..



Wednesday, April 09, 2008
dearest black hole,

thanks, i feel like pouring out my heart to u again..

im tired..
and i think i'm fallin sick..
shit.

im feelin so weak,
but im tryina to get back on my feet.
it just seem so hardd..

--

are your friends realli ur friends.?
if u want to hear only the good stuff..
then all they hafta do is just lie..
sometime truth hurts, they're just bein frank..

i rather own friends who hurts me by tellin e truth..
then having frens who hurt me by tellin lies..

--

i shouldn't have seen what i see..
though it small, it just caught me..
by accident, i saw his & her true happiness
for that it made my heart sunk..

i shouldn't have wait and kept waiting..
though i didn't mind, it just caught me..
by natural, i realise who u truly should be with..
for that it made my heart sunk..

i shouldn't have gone where i went..
though i knew it, it just caught me..
only right, i will end up alone at the end of it..
for that it made my heart sunk..

i saw and i noticedd..
i learnt and i kneww..
i felt and i experienced..
i'm used to this, i'll get use to this..

on a random time like yesterday,
it just got me thinkin and relecting back..
somehow it made me feel sucky.. *shrugs*
wonderin why..

--

i wishh..
to be in someone eles's shoes right now..
to be feeling all the love he receives from e girl..
to be feeling all the care & concern he gets from e girl..
to be feeling touched when someone is actually worried bout you the whole nightt..
to be feeling how lucky to get be with the girl..
to be sharing half his life with e girll..
to know that he'll never be alone
to know that e girl is always by his side..
to let the whole world know she's with you..
lastly to get to call e girl your own..

how i wishh..
just to be the guy.

--

people don't always get everythin they want. its just e harsh reality of life..
as for now, i'm goina salvage whatever i have wit her..
i've lost a place again to be her guy, so i'll fight for a place to be her twin soulmate..
i'll try make up for all the wrongdoings and sins i've done to her..
i'll get back up to my feet, and do all tat i will!

--

e1rwan: trip over a small bump in road called 'life'
e1rwan: tries to get back up on his feet on his ownn..
e1rwan: seriously fallin ill.
e1rwan: simple yet impossible wish.



Friday, April 04, 2008
i'm bored, so thanks to chrissy for taggin me.. here i'll do thiss game thingy.? hmm..



How to Play:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press next for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
40 oz - d12 (dirty dozen)
-err, im pretty much sober noww.. hmm..

Will you get far in life?
just like a pill - pink
-so i guess its true.. i'm goina be like a pill.. end up dissolving or digested..
all man has got to die then rott one day.. haha

How do your friends see you?
officially missing you - tamia
-i dun think any of my frens are missin e irritatin e1rwan rite noww.. haha..

Will you get married?
she's no you - jessea mccartney
-no link but yeahh.. no ideaa.. sorri..

What's your best friend theme song?
where is the love - b.e.p feat justin timberlake
nah, this song is so gayy.. haha =X

What is the story of your life?
that's when i love you - aslyn
-hmm, no link again.. sorri no ideaa..

What was high school like?
that's what you get - paramore
-hmm, yeapp this is what i get now for slackin in high school.. poly lifee.. not jC path.. too badd..

How can you get ahead in life?
show me the meaning of being lonely - bsb
haha, wtF.? no linkk.. so randomm..

Whats the best thing about your friends?
long way to go - cassie
no idea how to link this song to my friends.. sorri.. haha weirdd..

What’s in store for this weekend?
when it rains - fit (replug)
haha good one.. if it rains.. no plans lorr.! haha

Describe your grandparents.
time is running out - muse
F**k.!!!! nooo! plsssssss! i love my one only grandma leftt.. pls dun leave just yett.. =X

How’s your life going?
buat aku tersenyum - sheila on 7
hmm, am i smilin currently.. haha.. klah.. life has been pleasant for me.. *rolling eyes* tskk..

What song will they play at your funeral?
i miss you - good charlotte
hahaaaa.! aww im touchh..

How does the world see you?
helena - mcr
hmm.. helena.?

Will you have a happy life?
scars - papa roach
-okk soo not a happy kinda songg.. dammit.. dun let tis be truee..=X

Do people secretly lust after you?
numb/encore - linkin park & jay z
once again.. im clueless.. no link.. so yeah.. sorri

How can you make yourself happy?
and then we kiss - britney spears
haha, kiss me and i'll be happy.. mwahh! haha

What should you do with your life?
me love - sean kingston
haha, yeah.. love everyone! me love to u peeps! =]

Will you ever have children?
buttons - pcd
buttons n children.? no link~ hmm..

What song would you strip to?
the missing frame - AFI
tis is so not a song to be strippin to.. ahahaa

What does your mum think of you?
help me - nick carter
haha, true.. im always troublin me mom. =X

What is your deep, dark secret?
it doesn't matta - wyclef jean feat 'The Rock'
HAHAHAA! good one. it doesnt matta!

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
when you say nothing at all - ronan keating
haha i think my enemy would b a gayboi if e theme song is tis onee..

What’s your personality like?
never gone - bsb
i'll never be gone if u need me? cheh! like real liddat.. ah pui!

What song will be played at your wedding?
thriving ivory - angels on the moon
actually quite nice lei this song!! reallii.. soothingg

5 persons to tag..
1) fit fit
2) siasiwani
3) hanafio
4) malix
5) glass

e1rwan: so lost. hais.



Thursday, March 20, 2008
a lil short story bout a carpenter..

this carpenter wants to fix this broken piece of furniture for a fren of his..
it took him a lot of time..
as time flew by..
the furniture, from a shattered old looking junk..
now becoming a whole a again..
the carpenter was as usual doing his normal fixing..
he was foolish to get his eyes off his goal..
he got attracted to the furniture..
he started to become selfish and want it for himself..
for his last knock on the furniture,
he realli hammered his hand good..
he then realises..
he has finished his job..
there's nothin else he could do..
he part with it with so much pain to bear..
with so much things he had done..
he wet the furniture with his tears..
bidding goodbye..
and he moved on looking for other piece of woodpiece to fix..
--

i couldnt get myself to sleep..
lots of things flashes thru my mindd..
questions and answers..

all tat leads to one notion i can think of..
i really hate myself.
i hate a guy by the name of irwan.
not just any irwan but..
a guy who claimed himself to be called..
e1rwan.

a big A hole, fcuker, shithead and not forgettin a jerkk..
somethin i haf just gotta admitt..
he deserves what he gott..
--

let me share u a story about this person..

i have this fren
who i had known all my life..
and thinks that i knew him well..
i had nothin against him..
not untill noww..

he is someone i know tat wouldnt hurt a girl..
wouldnt make a girl worry bout him..
wouldnt make a girl sad till she tears up..
especially on someone she realli likes and and cared for..

tis time..
he went to farr..
i know he knows what he had done..
for tat i can never forgive him..

he likes tis girl..
a girl who was already happy lovin someone else..
but he still tries to get into the picture..
and made her life so freakin miserable..

couldnt he get it..
after being turn down nicely for so many times.!
why did he still continue to force his way in..
she had chosen her guy again.. and its not him again..

by force she had given in to him..
like an angel she was bein nice..
he had been given a chance to prove..
for a few days it lasted..
he couldnt make it last longer..

he was a joke right from the start..
he shud haf stop hurtin her..
knowin she wud never haf the heart to hurt him..
she tries to hint him nicely again and again..
but he is simply stubborn and continued..
to make her life miserable..

a few times she already told him to forget bout her..
but he insisted he could bring her 'happiness'..
he so called 'waited' for her to decided who'd she pick..
when he already knew it wont be him..

the waiting period for her decision was actually..
a period of time tat he had wasted her time..
to get back together with the one she had always loved..

cos of him,
she parted with her love..
cos of him,
she had to bear the pain being away from her love..

without him,
she would have been wit someone she truly love all the while..

i conclude.
he has right from the start made the life of the girl tat he truly cared for miserable..
somethin no apology can make up for it..
somethin i would hate him and never forgive him.

--

i got to experience alot of my first with her..
like an angel she was,
she let me experience all my last with her..
no amount or number of 'thank you' is enough to let you know..

--

i cannot hide it anymore..
i cannot pretend anymore..
i don't know why..
i'd thot i'm used to it..
i'd thot i'd be stronger by noww.

i guess once again i'm wrong..
screw me big time.. im a loser..

--
why just why.?

why do i always have to go through this..
why do i always like a girl whom i'll never end up with..
why do i always have to be the one who looks back and see a girl that i truly cared for walkin away with some other guyy..
why do i always have lose to another guy..
why cant i be better than the other guys..
why cant i be with the girl i truly cared for..
why do i always have hurt myself..
why do i always get punish with thiss..
why is love always against me..
whyy..
whyy..
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO WIN HER HEARTTT!!
WHEN WILL I EVER HAVE HER TO BE WITH ME!?

I AM SERIOUSLY TIRED OF FACING THIS AND GOING THROUGH THISSSSS.!!!!!

FUCK, IM BREAKING DOWN.

--
e1rwan = loser
e1rwan = jerk
e1rwan = meanfreak
e1rwan = heartbreaker
e1rwan = sucker
e1rwan = useless
e1rwan = BASTARD
e1rwan = fcuker
e1rwan = A hole.

irwan hates e1rwan

people beware of him.. you think you know him, but you have no idea.. you will regret.. you will come to hate of him.. dun let his true inner self be shown.. just don't..

--

okk, im so goina be late for work.. i'm so goina be lookin like a zombie at workk.. to all the customers i'll b serving with no life.. im sorri..

please lemme stop thinkin about this.. the only way is when i fell sleep with no dreams.. a part of me realli wish i dun hafta wake up..

--
here's a lil prayer for her..

tat tis time.. it'll be more everlasting relationship tat you will have with him.. and stay happi always with him.. =]
dun be lookin back on th e past, look forward and head towards the brighter side in front of you together with him..

insya'Allah, everything will turn out AWESOME for you.. you totally deserve what you get right now.. =] the good stuff that i've been tellin ya.. and im happi for youu =]

--
dear blackhole,

i thank you for stickin by me.. suckin up yet another random rant.. if only you were a real person.. could you talk to me and tell me what to do now.. i really am lost.. could you tell me what i could do now.. can you talk to meee.. i want someone to turn to.. anyone out theree.. blackhole, i am so down right noww im talkin crap.. HAHA i hink im goin crazy..
--

''i'll never lose my way to get to her,
all i have to do is follow the trail of my teardrops..
that i left when i walk home,
from her place, away from her..
-e1rwan

''if you could hear my heart's whisper, you will weep.. -e1rwan

''you will always have a place in my heart.. -e1rwan

''tryna to make someone forgive you is easy,
keep trying to apologize and make up for it..
but how can you forgive yourself,
when you cannot make up to yourself.? -e1rwan

e1rwan shooting star:
-e1rwan truly wishes to be someone else, to be him who got to be with her..

e1rwan: lost
e1rwan: hates himself.
e1rwan: cannot forgive himself.
e1rwan: deserves what he gets.



Monday, March 03, 2008
chris brown - fallen angel
--
If I could, take a trip, to outer space
She would be the one, I will see
When I get, to heavens gate
She would welcome me with her arms, open wide, and a smile
Will shadow me brighter than the sun
She hasn’t had a fair chance, so I’ll give her one
Let me tell you who she is, yeah

She’s a fallen angel, sent from heaven up above
She’s a fallen angel, waitin for me to love her, yeah
(Know that she’s)
She’s a fallen angel, take your judgment off her
I know, that she’s a fallen angel

You know, I could
Help her mend, her broken wings
So she can fly again
But I don’t, wanna lose everything that I’ve gained
Turnin me a selfish man (oh)
Cause without em my heart just don’t go, no more (no more)
I couldn’t take the pain, from watchin her fly away
So say that you’ll stay
She’s mine

She’s a fallen angel, (ooh) sent from heaven up above
She’s a fallen angel, waitin for me to love her, yeah
(Know that she’s) She’s a fallen angel, so take your judgment off her
I know, that she’s a fallen angel

Don’t you
Baby don’t you (don’t you worry) worry
I’m gon help you (I’m gon help you ) fly(I’m gon help you fly)

Just take me under yo (take me under) wings,
And we can reach the (we can reach the) sky(we can reach the sky)
Baby don’t you (don‘t you worry) worry,
I’m gon help you (I’m gon help you ) fly
(I’m gon help you fly)
Yo mama, don’t you (take me under) worry
you gon reach the (we can reach the) sky
(we can reach the sky)
She’s a…

She’s a fallen angel, (hey hey) sent from heaven up above, just for me
She’s a fallen angel, waitin for me to wrap my heart around her, know
(Know that she’s) She’s a fallen angel, makin due with all the judgment (no)
I know, that she’s (yeah) a fallen angel (ooh ahh)
Baby I know
I know that they done hurt you
But I’m here
Let’s take it all away
So if you let me…You know what, just put your heart in my hands
And everything they say, I take it back

Like this…[reversed last verse]
You don’t mean nothing, [reversed line]
I don’t want ya, [reversed line]
I don’t need ya, [reversed line]
Never loved ya, [reversed line]
You’re nobody, [reversed line]
And ‘ll never make it, [reversed line]
You’re a mistake (ooh), [reversed line]
--

nice beat to the songg.. with nice words to it..

wanna take tis time to wish malix to recover soon..
sorri to hear he got into a bad accident..
fio n me visited him e other day.. good to see him doin okk from waist up only.. =X
quick recover ya.. there's no keeper like him, realli.!
once u recovered call me down and we'll blaze e court ya! heh..

dont know if i'm bump out or depress.. or whatever this feelin is..
how do i describe.. a sunken feelin or a burnin rage.?
i dunnoe and its just sucky.

some things are better left unknown.?
ignorance is bliss.?
bullshit.

dun force, try get the picture..
who am i.?
play along.. only thing i'm good at.
or is it the only thing i can do now.?

it makes me wonder,
would i rather..
have a choice to choose.?
or
have no say and wait till it happen.?

screw everythin..
goodness, im so rantin like a child.. grow up!
haha..

okk blackhole, only you could bare with my crap.. i thank you for that..
not my sis,
not my brudders,
not even my friends,
nor even my parents..

--
here's a lil history bout me blog.. i call it my 'theatre of dreams' inspired by old trafford the red devils.. but yeahh.. it so only suit the good posts, displayin all the stuff i experience.. so yeah.. now it has an alter ego and so i gotta give it another name, my 'blackhole' suckin up all e rantings and craps i am feelin.. haha.. this is my space.. and i'll do what i like =]

gosh.. even a blog has a dual personality.. tskk.. this space of mine have gone thru alot of ups and downs with me.. its like a parent to me, a sister, a brother, a girlfren, a friend.. my everythin.. haha..

e1rwan loves his theatre of dreams..
e1rwan loves his blackhole..



Tuesday, February 19, 2008
my heart - paramore:
--

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard A sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart, my heart is yours
(It beats, beats for only you. My heart is your's)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart, my heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is yours
My heart is...yours
my heart is yours...

--
ps: the song will always remind me of herr..

--

my guardian angel - the red jumpsuit apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away, Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

ps: this one's for her.. - e1rwan
--

am i dreamin or fantasizing.?
why does it always have to be the opposite of reality..
anihoo, better start sayin prayers b4 sleepin thenn.. haha..

e1rwan: will update bout his mundane life in the next entry..

-till then.. =]



Wednesday, February 13, 2008
sampai menutup mata - acha septriasa
--

Embun di pagi buta
Menebarkan bau asa
Detik demi detik ku hitung
Inikah saat ku pergi

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
Berikanlah aku hidup
Takkan ku sakiti dia
Hukum aku bila terjadi

Aku tak mudah untuk mencintai
Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta
Aku tak mudah mengatakan
Aku jatuh cinta

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta
Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau
Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta
Sampai ku menutup mata
Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
Berikanlah aku hidup
Takkan ku sakiti dia
Hukum aku bila terjadi

~it was one of the most beautiful song i've heard sung to me
...as though it was sung by an angel..

-------------

usah lepaskan - taufik batisah
--

Yang terindah terlukis di bibir mu
Tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu sebegitu
Pudar kah sudah cinta yang ku beri
Bewarna warni segalaYang dijanjikan ia

Usah biarku bersendirian
Usah biar hati mu di tawan
Usah biar diri ku disini
Seorang menunngu tanpa teman

Usah lepas genggaman tangan mu
Usah biar semua berlaluUsah terlupa perasaan hati
Pertama kali kita bertemu
Usah lepaskan

Tak mudah ku melupa segala yang berlalu
Ku ingin selalu bersama mu

Ku tak peduli apa sebabnya
Engkau dan dia harus bersama
Mendungnya langit bila berkata
Kita patutnya masih bercinta

Usah lepaskan
Usah lepaskan

Yang terindah
Terlukis di bibir mu
Tak pernah ku lihat senyum mu
Sebegitu…

~if i could, i would.. it means so much.. if only i could deliver it beautifull to youu..

e1rwan question himself: tryin too hard.? or simply not doin enough.?
e1rwan feelings: is he really happi.? or is he realli sad.?
e1rwan: have i changed.?



Tuesday, January 29, 2008
i did what i should have done long ago..
i did what my heart told me to and no more what my minds ask me to..
i've been hiding for so long, starting to show itself on its own..
i've been telling lies all the while, its begginin to portray the truth slowly..

confession he tries to write..

he is sick and tired, of watching..
he is sick and tired, of bein 2nd best..
he is sick and tired, of givin in..
he is sick and tired, of loving but not havin..

he is taking a shot, he nows wait..

now with his palm wide open, he will wait..
for as long as she needs, he will wait..
waiting for his palm to get the stroke of answer from her..
be it good or bad.. he waits for her words..

for now.. he'll just do what he could.
till she decides.. he waits..
he will wait..

a promise he made, he wont talk bout it no more..
he'll keep his words..
and so he waits for her decision..
he will wait..

e1rwan: with one palm awaiting for her stroke of words..
e1rwan: willing to wait for as long as she takes, cos she's worthwhile to him..
e1rwan: waiting..
e1rwan: waits..



Friday, January 25, 2008
he just don't know..

was it a mistake for her..
for him it certainly was not..
does she regret it now..
he is not feelin any regrets for sure..
at the end of the day, this got me lookin back and wonderr..

did he caught her at the moment of her weakness..
did he force her into that thinking..
did she feel anything or just felt sorry for him..
did he ask for too much..
at the end of the day, this got me lookin back and wonderr..

will he ever win her heart, he tries his best but will she barge..
is she treating him the same or will she give him more..
is he a dear to her, or just another peer to her..
does she prefer before or does she prefer it now..
at the end of the day, this got me lookin back and wonderr..

he is not sure what he have now..
is he not doin enough, or is he overdoin things..
he doesn't know what could assure him..
feeling this way he just cannot help it..
at the end of the day, this got me lookin back and wonderr..

this is what he wants, he'll try change the situation for the better..
this is what he yearns, his heart has always been with her..
paranoia he avoids, that he thinks too muchh..
pessimistic he avoids, that he keeps thinkin for the worse..
at the end of the day, he should be thinking..

he should be thankful for what he have now and pray for a better day with her tomorrow..
it is still early and things will only get better, insya'Allah..
only time will tell what will happen next..
as for now.. he should be smiling and so should he be making her smile too..
content with what he has, he shouldn't ask for more.. =]

e1rwan: hoping he'll not continue to clap with one hand only..
e1rwan: in summer =]
e1rwan: cherishes the beautiful night..

e1ndividual

+ IrWaN a.k.a e1rwan +
+ turnin.21 +
+ gemini +
+ 13th june 1988 +
+ RulanG Primary School +
+ Huayi Secondary School+
+ ngee ann polytechnic +
+ e1rwan@hotmail.com -
- msn/friendster+

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